Once, and After This

The first thing that should be maintained when you are writing a blog is consistency. And that is the very thing that I don’t have in my possession. I can compile up a hill of reasons for that of course but now, when I have more time for myself, I think again about the writing and blogging and finally I decided to make a new blog for my life. After so many failed Net ventures to make money, but not yet surrender of course, I found that blogging can ease my tense mind even when I have to write in English.

I am not a native in English but once I had an education in an English Literature program study in a public university my city. I never earned the degree of course because like the idealistic students in Yogyakarta, I know well that most of my lecturers aren’t capable of teaching the subject they taught before the class. In fact, I devoted myself to reading and writing in my student days. I obtained a certain level of English mastery although it is never extraordinary and with such English skill I set out to dedicate myself to writing.

It had been ten years since I knew the richness of English. Now I am 31 and had not yet set off from the financial level of those days. Thanks to my English, I can find job in a writing agency and am able to perform well enough with my current trade, at least enough for myself. And now I write this blog in English, the very language that since December 2010 has given me sufficient money to withstand the harshness of this world, for more personal feeling and stories. And also for thoughts that are too dangerous to be written in Indonesian: the tolerance level in this declining country is pathetic.

Well, of course I also have a personal blog in Indonesian but I think I can manage two blogs as long as I can find sufficient time to be alone with myself. So far, time is the most expensive thing for me because my girlfriend, who loves me with all of her heart, does not want to leave me alone with my thoughts and myself. I appreciate her love and indeed I too love her, but you have to manage your feeling otherwise you won’t get in in a harmony.

Since December 2010, I live in my girl’s city, namely Denpasar, the capital of Bali island-province, the largest tourist destination of the country. I couldn’t bear to live in the city, though, because the cost for daily needs is beyond my thin wallet. So, after much debates and angry shouts, I returned to my native city, Yogyakarta. My girl obtained a leave from the hotel where she works and came with me. We argued about something and I broke her. In fact, I let her return to Bali herself. However, the next night she called me and we were back again.

When my girl eventually resigned from the hotel in which she had worked for almost three years, she had two vacant weeks before starting to work in a new work place -- newly built a villa. It is only yester-night she returned to Bali. I miss her and had some bad hours. However, I could take the positive side of the story. Without my girl, I can have more time for working on my freelancing jobs and may be I can save some money. I am getting older and my parents have too often asking me when I will get married.

I’m not resisting marriage but I believe that one has to be prepared enough before entering such un-lonely bond, even with the person whom you love. I mean “prepared” in financial term of course. And that is also something that I don’t have. In fact, I’m on my way for getting it.

I know that there won’t be too many people reading my blog but, honestly, my first intention in writing this blog is to release the feeling, thoughts and stories that are too sensitive if written in Indonesian. However, when there is someone responds to this blog, I surely appreciate it and I promise to give the same appreciation. Now I must work: read, think, write, rewrite. Technical English skill indeed, but it gives me firm ground to stay writing. ***

Note for the pic: A shoot from Candi Songo Temples complex. I shall write about this historic complex later.